How the inner critic in you is killing your performance and destroying your relationships
How to react when you let yourself and others down
Hey there,
Last Friday I promised a colleague to help them out and between all the Zoom calls and running behind my last ToDos for the week I forgot. I woke up with a bad feeling today and was devastated to find out that I had forgotten to do what I promised.
Did this ever happen to you? In case it did, you are probably familiar with the inner critic that comes out at these moments and crushes you: How could you forget? You are not living up to your own standards! You are unreliable.
A few deep breaths, a Bunch tip and a Calm session later, I realized: the more I beat myself up the less I focus on fixing it. I switched gears and wrote my colleague apologizing and proposing other ways to support to make up for it.
Why is harsh self-criticism a problem? It makes you insecure and increases anxiety and worry (which do not btw contribute to performance), it also makes you more critical and less kind towards others and that in return impacts your relationships negatively.
So I have dug into more related resources on self-compassion, what it is and what it is not and how to be more self-compassionate.
What is self-compassion and how to become more self-compassionate ❤️
👉 The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TED
Top Take-Away: Constant focus on increasing self-esteem can contribute to bullying, competitive behaviors and narcissism.
👉 5 Steps to Develop Self-Compassion & Overcome Your Inner Critic by Birgit Ohlin
Top Take-Away: If you can’t develop self-compassion you can’t show compassion to others.
👉 The Five Myths of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
Top Take-Away: Self-compassion does not mean self-pity and it’s not making you complacent, if done right
👉 Dare to Rewire Your Brain for Self-Compassion by Weiyang Xie, TEDxUND
Top Take-Away: Shame is almost always self-destructive and debilitating
Tips from the Bunch AI coach:
Check out Keep founder anxiety in check by Vanessa Van Edwards, Lead Behavioral Investigator at ScienceOfPeople
While this is a tip that was inspired by our team wanting ot support all the founders out there, it also applies to non-founders!
Be kind to yourself!
Darja